My Dear Beloved,

I wonder how you are tonight.

I have not heard any noise about you which is scary. Did you get married already? Did she give birth to your second child?

I have missed those times when the mere sight of you makes my day complete.

Now, I reckon I have different desires, different needs - but I still find myself longing for those times when all I wanted is you.

Sigh.

I am really sad at the fact that I do not have a crush at the moment. No one to look forward to - none. NADA. I miss being content with having them footie crushes but ever since I was re-introduced to the real world so to speak and have had my share of quasi-relationships, I find myself for a lack of better term, tigang.

I had lunch with one of my best mates awhile ago and told him that maybe the reason why I don't enjoy going out lately is because my crushes on certain individuals all have died. I used to fancy the pants off of him as well but that developed to friendship - he even joked would I rather have him as a friend, or still as a crush. Now I'm kind of wishing it would revert to that just so I have that elusive kilig factor again, kahit saglit lang.

Is this a sign of growing old? I don't feel alone - I can pretty much say that with him I have a made a friend for life. But I am wondering if there is someone out there for me to see me through days when I feel ugly, feel down and vice-versa.

Come to think of it I pretty much rejected a lot of those in the past thinking there's someone better - now, I'm realising I probably have made a lot of wrong decisions in my life.

Oh, well. I can't even muster up happy thoughts in my head - and I just had lunch with a friend which would usually send me over the moon but not now.