I feel deeply hurt by someone I deeply care for. I feel so used. I don't know why I submit myself to such torture. It's not like I can end it - there's nothing to end to begin with.

I am so sad.

I have this heavy feeling in my heart ever since I received news from work that really displeased me.

I just can't imagine how my life would be after that is put on effect. I'm going to be whiny, I'm sure. I've been known to whine. I'm not going to lie - I'm not happy about it.

Maybe I should start looking for a new job? *shrugs* Again? Ha. I told myself I'd stick this one out for at least a year. 6 more months to go!!! God that feels like an eternity.

I had my tooth extracted today by the way. I only have 1 molar left. I don't know how that will affect my eating. I kinda miss my tooth - but it was giving me a pain that I just wanted it out of there. Better get over it. It's not seen anyway so in terms of aesthetics, people won't know unless they take a peek.

I also got my teeth cleaned today - it felt really good. I smoke, so there was a lot of dirt to be removed. I just feel so clean now I haven't smoked anything today. Maybe until tomorrow, who knows.

I remember a few years back I went on a major diet and lost a lot of weight.

It's time to start that again.

Maybe with Drew modelling and Lucas asking me to visit their photoshoots I'll be given the right impetus to finally lose weight.

Anyway.

This is Rio's pout gone wrong.



One day, my love. One day.

Yay! I got my licensed renewed on my own. I can't say I did it without a hitch since there were some scary moments back there. Oh I look like a sanggano by the way in my license picture. Bleurgh.

Anyroad. While walking towards the main road from the LTO building, I kinda felt sad and alone. Certain events replayed in my head and I'm not quite sure why I suddenly became pensive. Maybe it's hitting me that I really did get a year older? I feel like this year is my last chance to find someone to love - or something silly like that.

Then I started thinking about retiring even to a point of morbidity that I was considering ending it all since we all know that there's no way to go from up than down.

Sigh. You really shouldn't leave me alone in the rain anymore.

They had a sampling of Vitwater before at Ventus (Fort Bonifacio) but really didn't pay much attention to it.

Thanks to Gossip Girl, though, I drink this thing as if my life depended on it.



Kasalanan mo ito, Serena!!!

P.S.

Ed Westwick is ... love!!!



Drool.



HOT HOT HOT HOT!!!

Ed fronting for his band, "The Filthy Youth", for some gig somewhere.

I wanna be your shirt!!! Top totty.....seriously.

I am reunited with Wayne.

I am very happy.

And I'm also very tired from all that driving!!!

Flop, I forgot where the gasoline latch is awhile ago when I had to fuel up. The gasoline boy had to do it for me.

But I don't care.

I'm back on the road again!

It feels so good.

Oh my God. They're already playing Christmas songs on the radio. And counting down to the 25th of December!

It makes me sad that the year is about to close. 2008 wasn't particularly kind on me. I have no idea how 2009 will fare - I just know that things are gonna get a little bit tougher since the expiration date I put upon myself is drawing near.

I am not very happy with the way my job is going. And to be perfectly honest, I am starting to just don't want to work AT ALL.

First weekend of September, I was in Cebu.
Went to Bohol the next day. Which was actually more fun.

Second weekend of September, I was in Zambales for Rob's birthday. So here I am, at the office, sporting my half-baked tan.

Which makes me excited for this weekend. I'm going to Palawan!!! Need to make sure I pack my bronzer so that when I come back, I am golden.

Still - I wish I was traipsing in New York and watching Broadway shows but whatever.

Then again, have never been to Cebu, Bohol nor Palawan until this year so better now I guess than later.

Will probably take a break on the weekend of 27-28. I need to have my license renewed anyway so I reckon I need to go home so I can have it done by Monday morning, then leave for Manila in the afternoon.

All I can say is, Happy Birthday to me. Ha ha ha ha ha...

1. Got soaked in the rain but it's all good. I've been wanting to do that since I was a kid and now I'm glad I have. I went to the bank to pay some bills however, the rain fell hard whilst I was inside the building. I had to tread on real muddy water to get home and while I was walking I thought why am I in a hurry? I'm wet anyway. So I just enjoyed being rained on, being drenched and getting lost in my private reverie.

2. Watched the latest episode of Project Runway (Goodbye, Stella!!!) and the 2 hour premier of ANTM Cycle 11. I loooove Korto's dress. I wish she'd make it in my size. The colour is just lovely. It was black, white and yellow but it didn't look like a Yellow Cab pizza box at all!!! The girls are hating on Isis except for Sheena. I'm loving Sheena. I love it more that the spoilers say she's the winner of this cycle. That took off the suprrise element already but who cares. Let's get more madlibs from Tyra. FIIIIEERRCCCEEE!!!

3. Got ready for my trip to Cebu. I'm not really excited. Honestly, I'd rather go up to Baguio to meet up with my parents there. They're attending a convention for drug store owners - so I just know I'll be treated like royalty because all those kiss-ass medical representatives will do just that.

4. Read up on the new musical Andy Karl is in. "9 to 5" - I wasn't really excited by it. I probably need to watch the film first before I get interested. Difference is I love Legally Blonde already before it became a musical.

5. Reported for work at RCBC today. Today's the last day to get your ID picture taken. I don't look extra fabulous so I asked the ID guy if I can see the photo he took of me. He didn't want to he says it will screw up his method.

Yeah, right. Method my ass it's a fucking AIPTEK digital camera. Give me a break.

6. Realised I'm not excited by the EPL this season, regardless of the things that are going on. Supposed to be exciting, but when it's Manchester City on the headlines, why should I be?!?!? Right????

So I got my Nikon D80 already and I haven't stopped shooting. Partly because I want to completely discharge the battery as well. I still haven't fully figured the camera out. Out of 100 shots, I only get to like 3 or 4 of them. Purely experimental.

I'm at the hospital right now because Junior is admitted - apparently, she's got UTI which is weird since she's not even a year old.

Anyroad - she's a better subject than my mum because well, she's cuter than she is really.

( Day 2! I need photography lessons especially on lighting. )

I just paid my credit card bill and what a difference it makes on my bank account balance.

Oh well - at least that's settled.

I should really try to fix my spending.

Sniff.

I am really sad at the fact that I do not have a crush at the moment. No one to look forward to - none. NADA. I miss being content with having them footie crushes but ever since I was re-introduced to the real world so to speak and have had my share of quasi-relationships, I find myself for a lack of better term, tigang.

I had lunch with one of my best mates awhile ago and told him that maybe the reason why I don't enjoy going out lately is because my crushes on certain individuals all have died. I used to fancy the pants off of him as well but that developed to friendship - he even joked would I rather have him as a friend, or still as a crush. Now I'm kind of wishing it would revert to that just so I have that elusive kilig factor again, kahit saglit lang.

Is this a sign of growing old? I don't feel alone - I can pretty much say that with him I have a made a friend for life. But I am wondering if there is someone out there for me to see me through days when I feel ugly, feel down and vice-versa.

Come to think of it I pretty much rejected a lot of those in the past thinking there's someone better - now, I'm realising I probably have made a lot of wrong decisions in my life.

Oh, well. I can't even muster up happy thoughts in my head - and I just had lunch with a friend which would usually send me over the moon but not now.

For those who wait! I can't believe it's already Wednesday.

By the way, this BlackBerry issued to me sure has its perks. I'm using it to blog right now. Still getting used to the Qwerty keyboard though - real pain in the butt.

Italy made it to the quarter finals. Dapat lang! I still think Spain and Netherlands are the strongest at this point but who knows! Portugal is not so bad either but considering my distaste for Cristiano lately, let's just say my oodles for noodles have definitely gone down.

This sale going on at PAL is agitating me. I want to take advantage of the 200 USD MNL -SGD fare - but for the life of me I can't think of anything to do in SG apart from meeting up with mates and that's not even a guarantee since I don't know whether they would have the time for me.

Sigh.

What was left of my Saturday, I spent sleeping.

Sunday was full on movie marathon.

I found a site that had full films available. Some are crap but you know it beats going to the DVD store and shelling out money for a copy that you'd only use once.

1) Kung Fu Panda - it's awesome. But after a few go at the film I kinda grew tired of it already. Too much Angelina, not a lot of Jackie Chan is not a good mix.
2) Bride and Prejudice - I'm not a Bollywood film fan, but I appreciate a good musical which this film is. Martin Henderson who plays William Darcy wasn't hard to look at either.
3) Love And Other Disasters - adored this film. Jacks lives with her gay best mate, Peter. She reminded me of me, actually. Sort of. She can only get intimate with someone who's a poofter - kind of like me. So my brain went on how I am Jacks and one of my gay mates would be Peter. As for Tallulah? Well - let's just make her another homosexual so that I've got another shot of casting a gay mate of mine. Ha ha ha. Jacks's flat in London is to die for. TO DIE FOR. Hello, babies! Oh God, let me not say that please when I'm with my friends. I'm twice, no make that three times bigger than Brittany Murphy so that means the expression won't suit me. I wouldn't mind having a Santiago Cabrera in my life though - he's the only bit off of Heroes that really interested me.
4) Miss Conception - blah movie, blah accents, blah leading man. Blah. I skipped loads of parts. Just couldn't bear Heather Graham and Mia Kirshner's accents.

Some don't allow IE to be used because you can download your flv's from that browser - but some do so that means I've got a crappy full copy of Kung Fu Panda on my PC!!! Yay me!

Kung Fu Panda!!!

They should have given Jackie Chan more lines.

Seth Rogen rocked!

Watched this today with Janice. Met with her at Italianni's - she's going to Dubai for good on the 22nd.

I'll miss you, Janice!!! Hope I'll get the chance to visit you in Dubai - and then go to them places the FWOGS go to.

I am quite the survey whore, so I'm doing this.

( 3rd time's the charm )

Last 19 December, me and my flatmate Janice went to SM Pampanga to kill some time while the electricity was out in Lakandula. I saw a girl whose hair was - and this is the best way I can describe it, really - tiara ready and immediately got inspired by the look.

So here's the plan. No haircuts for me in the next coming weeks up until the desired length has been achieved. Next year, I want to have a new hair do - nothing drastic, just a wee bit of change.

Kinda looks like a marriage of these 3 looks:

( good luck!!! )

Good luck to me in getting permanent curls!!!

My Ate Drew texted me this morning reminding me to pray for his fate regarding his job. I went to the Carmelite Monastery with RJ and James (2 of my SME's) here in Angeles (my parents always go to the Carmelite Monastery in Cabanatuan - we've been pretty lucky so I reckon going to this church here in Pampanga was logical) and lit 5 candles for him and myself. I texted him and asked him to give me an update. I reckon everything's going his way. His good karma worked. :) I'm very, very happy for him. I am one of the few people, I reckon, who really wants him to go for several different reasons I'd rather not blog about or else it'd lose its sanctity. ;) Or something. Lol.

I remember telling him when he was driving Wayne going to the wedding that I have got a song for him. Didn't mention it was by Girls Aloud as he wouldn't even care really - he doesn't know them. Ha ha ha ha. So poxy, or not poxy, Girls Aloud has got a song titled "Singapore" (discovered this during my Wi Fi days at the Parade Grounds) - which I let him hear. He kind of laughed when I was pointing out the lines that were applicable. Ching!

So I guess this is it! He really is off to Singapore! I can't complain you know. At least we became close before he left. I'll miss him though. Terribly!!!

At my place and I was on the phone
but it's you that I'll always call my home
In a world where the sun don't always shine
I can see tropicana in your eyes

When you're gone my loneliness is real
Got your love to remind me how that feel
In my head I can see your long goodbye
You kiss my lips as I try to fix your tie

And I

I'm watching day time T.V.
I was wishing you were with me
I'm counting hours and days
Gotta stop believing what the movies say cos

Dark streets only suffocate me
Now you're off to Singapore
Heart aches, God, it nearly breaks it
Ciao, I'm waiting for your call

Dark streets only suffocate me
Now you're off to Singapore
Heart aches, God, it nearly breaks it
Ciao, I'm waiting for your call

Please means more
I'll see you knocking at the door
Got it right in my place
Cos dreams means five
and I'll be rocking on the floor
Can't you see it in my face?

Please means more
I'll see you knocking at the door
Got it right in my place
Cos dreams means five
and I'll be rocking on the floor
Can't you see it in my face?

And some nights,
When we're sat on the phone
and kind of broken
Never ever thought
I'd let you go again
That's the way I feel
You're all the love I need

Dark streets only suffocate me
Now you're off to Singapore
Heart aches, God, it nearly breaks it
Ciao, I'm waiting for your call

Dark streets only suffocate me
Now you're off to Singapore
Heart aches, God, it nearly breaks it
Ciao, I'm waiting for your call

I am actually QUITE excited by his appointment as England gaffer. I reckon it's going to be interesting to find the changes he would impose on the team.

Who'd be the new captain?
Will he pick Rio?
Will he be good to Wayne?
Will he pick Gaz even when he's injured?

Yeah...



The boys drew with Roma yesterday. Pique scored Man Utd's goal - SAF deployed mostly kids - so I'm quite ecstatic about the result. Although I must admit I'm a little disturbed by the news of supporters being stabbed in Rome - must this sport be this violent! Let's just party, people!

( spam ahead )

So I'm supposed to be napping because work don't start until 1 am but I couldn't sleep. Electricity died on me twice in a span of an hour so I'm playing it by ear whether I've got to call some people up and see if I need to knock on someone else's door to get ready for my shift later.

Anyroad, power's back up now and thank God there's water. Went downstairs awhile ago and had my dinner. I ate strawberries for dinner! Yay! So health conscious lang! So not me! LOL. Anyroad, went through the lot quite fast - and the good thing about it is my stomach felt full so I went ahead and drank my meds for the day. The meds that I'm taking is making me restless - I don't know if that's supposed to be a side effect of it or what but I'm really sleepy after 3 or 4 odd hours at work.

Got the strawberries from SM Hypermarket here in Clark. They don't usually sell those but it's a good thing they did. Janice (my flatmate) and I ate at Sbarro (katas ng 13th month pay!). She did some grocery shopping while I tailed making sure she only buys Unilver products. Ha ha ha ha ha... It was all in vain since she bought Ivory - and that's P&G!

I bought some GV food - Reese's peanut butter cups, chubi corn, tarts, but the most gv part was finding jelly shoes that fit me. We passed by the tsaka shoe section of the supermarket and saw that they had size 9's. It fit!!!


I got the red ones. Wanted blue but no size. Can't find it. I was supposed to get the gold's so it matches the bag Drew gave me but the size 9's fit awkwardly.


That's her finidng her own pair. She was able to get her size in blue. :(

The best part of all is they only cost Php 199.75 he he he he he he... I have new shoes pa! Loves it!

I reckon my spending has come to an end since I surrendered my credit card back to my father. But fate has got a way of testing my restraint and I totally failed at it.

Do you remember this?



Giordano has got a similar top on display. Which tormented me the whole time I was inside the supermarket. Long story short, I ended up buying not only the green but the gray/black one too.

I reckon Giordano did hear my cry as I said on my blog entry: "Calling the head honchos of Giordano! Look at Coleen's top!!!"

My budget for Bangkok next year has been totally ruined. :(

I need help.

Ehhhhh kiber. It's rare to find clothes my size here in Clark anyroad. Keriover!!!

I remember - it was Ateneo vs. La Salle in the UAAP finals (anong year nga ba yun?) - we can't get a cab in Taft, so we were left with no choice but to do the LRT-MRT thing to get to Araneta. At that time, I was not used to commuting - what's the point, I only had to walk from school everyday. And if I need to go to the mall to chillax, I'd take a cab which wasn't too hard since Robinson's Place and Glorietta were nearby.

Anyroad, getting to Araneta was fine - but I must admit I got a little bit dizzy with all the walking that we had to do from the MRT to the coliseum - this is what I hate the most when commuting - the walking part from the drop-off points.

It was the getting home part that was bad. One of us didn't want to go the MRT-LRT route, and I wasn't exactly looking forward to riding the LRT again. I HATE riding the LRT. I love the MRT, the MTR, but not the LRT. At that time, the LRT was still not nice. It was hot, and it was slow. Blech.

We decided we'd take a cab - but where in the world are we going to get a cab at that time!!?!?!?! We walked around the Araneta Centre like lost puppies and when we realised we should have done the MRT-LRT route, it was already too late as the trains have closed already.

We eventually got home super late already, around 11 pm - uy, late na yan kapag nag-aaral ka - it wasn't exactly a nightmare in a sense that the "nightmare" happened while inside a public vehicle. The nightmare there was the uncertainty of getting home. Cubao was a foreign territory to me at the time - until now, methinks.